It's been a while since i wrote to you, i know i speak to you as often as possible but for some reason you kept crossing my path extra this week. I have seen signs of your presence all over, especially in my dreams but still for some reason i have yet to seen your face. Oddly enough you were in the casket and it was your funeral all over again. I wasn't dreaming about you at first, but in my dream i turned around for something and there was your casket and i know it was you, i felt such a strong connection and without saying any words i just started crying. I cried so hard, i woke up frantically. My heart was beating like it wasnted to break through my skin. I don't know what signs you or god is giving me but i wish, still to this day, that you... YOU, in your physical presence, could visit me and let me know that your ok. Again i have told you, i know you visit all these other people but Rhondi that is the worst feeling for me, i feel like i did you wrong in some way and i will never know unless you come to me. I feel like i am strong enough to see you. People keep telling me that i wouldnt be able to take the pain after seeing you but they dont know, and the only way to find out is if you just come and we'll see from there but i know i will be strong. Please please just come, it hurts not being with you i just want you to visit me on occasions. I need you, im still suffering on this place we call home (earth). you on the other hand are living in god's home (heaven) where no harm can happen to you anymore. I just want you to help me, guide me, protect me, but most off visit me... i miss you so much and i just want to hold you and never let you go. I want to remind you that i love you and that you were the only thing that meant so much to me. When i went home i felt like i was impossing on people because i didnt have you by my side, we were partners in crime and i was riding solo. I felt like people only accepted me from pity and i hated that feeling, because they was only acting two faced with me. I swear learning everyday to live without you physically is so hard sometimes. I know your there spiritually but sometimes it doesnt feel like thats enough. And rhondi when i went home i heard unexpected news from some people that surprised the heck out of me and pissed me off also, and i know you know what i am talking about i expressed some with you on new years morning but i swear i hope you know that i am sorry for everything. Its just a shame that some peoples colors didnt show until you were gone which is unfortuante because they were just being fake to your face the whole time. But i know now that you are in a much better place with no problems. I just hope that your happy with you mom and god by your side... wait for me because one day i will be with you again. And understand that no one can ever replace you, no matter what you see, i could never replace you in my heart, no one can compare to what we had, NO ONE! I feel a little more releaved that i wrote to you today but i am going to have to say goodbye for now, i love you and i miss you so much. your my little piglet an im your tigger :O) remember me always and forever. I LOVE YOU RHONDI... LOVE RACHEL